Sunday, June 1, 2008

Two Things I Don’t Want To See

Yesterday, Iwanski and I took a long walk along Chicago’s lakefront. We were just walking along, enjoying the sun and the warm weather along with many other adults, and their children and their dogs, when of a sudden it hit me: I think dog balls are one of the most disgusting things on earth. And I really think they should be banned from public view. Really! I mean, why should I be forced to look at those things? And it’s not like I’m out there scouting for dog balls, either—they’re just out there, in the open, flapping in the breeze, in plain view of all who pass them. There’s no way to avoid it—you look to the right, there’s dog balls. You look to the left, dog balls. You look straight in front of you, and—you guessed it—dog balls.

I think it should be a law that male dogs should have to wear special doggie underwear—or at the very least, a dog jock strap (aka “dog strap”). Really. I don’t think that it’s fair that I should have to bask in the glow of that nasty view when I’m having a nice walk along Chicago’s beautiful lakefront.

And how about neutering your dog? Would it be that difficult? Do you really have that strong a need to see your dog reproduce? I mean, last I checked, there are no shortage of dogs on this earth. Really, you don’t think there are enough stray male dogs roaming around, nailing stray female dogs? I’m sure it happens—right?

Yep, I feel this strongly about dog balls.

But enough about that.

As Iwanski and I continued on our walk, I saw a feather lying on the ground in front of us. I may not have mentioned this before, but for a long time, feathers have been my symbol of God. Whenever I see one, I say a silent prayer, thanking God for being there for me. And I see feathers ALL THE TIME. Some people may think it’s just a coincidence, but I don’t. I really believe that God gives me feathers as a reminder that he’s there. Also, we have a lot of pigeons and seagulls in Chicago. But that’s beside the point.

Anyway, Iwanski and I were walking along, talking about how God reveals himself in our lives. I said to Iwanski,

“You know, I never see feathers when I’m looking for them. But when I’m not looking for them, all of the sudden they’re there, right in front of me as I walk.”

Just like dirty, nasty dog balls.

12 comments:

Diane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Diane said...

I am having a hard time hearing the disgust in your voice and seeing the repugnant look on your face MHP! You were probably laughing and giggling every time you saw those nasty dog balls! In fact, I bet you and Iwanski played some sick game of who could spot the nastiest of them all! :)

Are you proud I am not posting as Anonymous any more?

Miss Healthypants said...

Chick, I was disgusted! But I was laughing about my disgust, too. :)

And I am glad to see that you're not "Anonymous" anymore! :)

Mathman6293 said...

We have a club at Mathman HS dedicated to ridding dogs of their balls.

Jason Boskey said...

MHP, are neuticles OK?

Buck said...

Ridding the lakefront of dog balls is a very worthy cause.
After reading this, I'm going to stand on the corner of Wacker and Michigan, having people sign a petition.

sfoofie said...

buck, i'll co-captain the anti-dog-ball-campaign.....

Anonymous said...

Wanna know what's even worse? People who go to all the trouble to get their male dogs neutered, and then have prosthetic balls inserted!!!!! (these are the nutjobs who don't want their dogs feeling bad about being neutered.)

Lorraine said...

A) Our dog has no balls so there's that and 2) you are quite the theologian, my friend.

Miss Healthypants said...

Really, Mathman? Is it the spay and neuter club? :)

Boskey--no way! That's just sick and wrong.

Buck & Sfoofie, you crack me up! :)

Anonymous--I think that's what Boskey referred to as "neuticles"--and what I refer to as sick and wrong! :)

Lorraine, good for you!--and gee, thanks. *giggles*

Jason Boskey said...

But MHP, aren't you taking away the dog's pacifier if you take away his balls and don't replace them?????

Miss Healthypants said...

Boskey-dude--I'm not going to argue with you about this one. It's just wrong. End of discussion. :)