I’m a Gemini, which means I have twin personalities. Or something like that. I have just figured out that my two personalities are dude and chick. Let me explain.
Here’s why I’m like a dude:
1. I like to drink beer and belch really loudly. (Iwanski can attest to this.)
2. I like to watch sports. Okay, so I don’t know players’ names like most sport enthusiasts, but I like to cheer with the best of them. I especially like cheering for the Bulls, the Cubs, and the Bears…and cheering against the Green Bay Packers. (Having lived 25 years in Wisconsin, I was a Packer fan until I got sick of all the hype surrounding the team. People up there literally worship the Packers. There is an actual book called “Leap of Faith: God Must Be a Packer Fan.” Seriously.)
3. I notice and comment on women’s cleavage when it’s particularly—err, noticeable. (Iwanski can also attest to this. Often I notice the large cleavage before he does and point it out to him. He is very grateful to me when I do that.)
4. I like watching stupid comedies where the humor is all about people getting hit in the crotch and stuff like that.
Here’s why I’m like a chick:
1. I like to watch love stories, no matter how unrealistic they are. (The Lake House comes to mind. I absolutely loved that movie.)
2. I like to talk on the phone with my girlfriends and analyze and overanalyze every conversation with everybody I’ve come into contact with in the past week.
3. I loved the Sex In The City movie and cried several times during it.
4. I can cry at the drop of a hat.
5. I obsess about losing weight but refuse to give up chocolate or wine.
6. I dream about being a Mommy someday.
Hmmm…I just noticed that the chick list contains the words “overanalyze,” “cry” and “obsess,” while the dude list contains the words “beer,” “sports,” and “comedies.”
God, being a dude must be like heaven. They just don’t know how lucky they are.