Have I ever mentioned that our toilet is a relationship and mood barometer in the Iwanski and Miss Healthypants household?
Well, it’s absolutely true. Every time Iwanski and I have a fight, or whenever one or both of us is feeling really depressed, the toilet responds by somehow breaking.
I can’t even tell you how many times this has happened. The poor maintenance men in our building! They have had the pleasure of “visiting” with our toilet on a number of occasions—and what a crappy job that must be.
Anyway, recently Iwanski was having a really bad day—one of those “Irish Guilt” days when everything—and I mean absolutely EVERYTHING—makes him feel guilty. On those days I can say something innocent like “Hey, honey, we’re out of bread,” and he responds with something like, “I’m such a terrible husband. I can’t even manage to make sure we have bread in the house. A good husband would make sure there is always bread in the house,” and on and on and on. I’m telling you, sometimes it must be absolutely exhausting being Iwanski.
Anyway, so recently he was having one of those really bad Irish Guilt Days, and after trying and trying in vain to convince him that he wasn’t the worst person on earth, I thought I would just have to “let go and let God”…so I went off to take a bathroom break.
As I sat down on the toilet, a bolt on one side of the seat popped off and went flying. The entire seat slipped to the side, and I almost fell right in.
“Ack!!!!” I screamed. “The toilet seat just broke!”
From the other room, I heard Iwanski groan, “That’s just God punishing me for being a bad husband.”
“God is not punishing you!” I yelled back.
Now, obviously I don’t believe that God is punishing Iwanski through our toilet breaking.
And I’m sure that God is not really paying attention at all to what happens to our toilet—at least I sure hope not! But I have to admit, it sure does seem pretty strange that whenever there is a lot of negativity in our house, the toilet figures out a new way to be broken.
It’s like one big cosmic joke.
I hate that toilet.