Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Toilet Barometer

Have I ever mentioned that our toilet is a relationship and mood barometer in the Iwanski and Miss Healthypants household?

I haven’t?

Well, it’s absolutely true. Every time Iwanski and I have a fight, or whenever one or both of us is feeling really depressed, the toilet responds by somehow breaking.

I can’t even tell you how many times this has happened. The poor maintenance men in our building! They have had the pleasure of “visiting” with our toilet on a number of occasions—and what a crappy job that must be.

Anyway, recently Iwanski was having a really bad day—one of those “Irish Guilt” days when everything—and I mean absolutely EVERYTHING—makes him feel guilty. On those days I can say something innocent like “Hey, honey, we’re out of bread,” and he responds with something like, “I’m such a terrible husband. I can’t even manage to make sure we have bread in the house. A good husband would make sure there is always bread in the house,” and on and on and on. I’m telling you, sometimes it must be absolutely exhausting being Iwanski.

Anyway, so recently he was having one of those really bad Irish Guilt Days, and after trying and trying in vain to convince him that he wasn’t the worst person on earth, I thought I would just have to “let go and let God”…so I went off to take a bathroom break.

As I sat down on the toilet, a bolt on one side of the seat popped off and went flying. The entire seat slipped to the side, and I almost fell right in.

“Ack!!!!” I screamed. “The toilet seat just broke!”

From the other room, I heard Iwanski groan, “That’s just God punishing me for being a bad husband.”

“God is not punishing you!” I yelled back.

Now, obviously I don’t believe that God is punishing Iwanski through our toilet breaking.

And I’m sure that God is not really paying attention at all to what happens to our toilet—at least I sure hope not! But I have to admit, it sure does seem pretty strange that whenever there is a lot of negativity in our house, the toilet figures out a new way to be broken.

It’s like one big cosmic joke.

I hate that toilet.


Diane said...

ChiCK! I love your blog! You make me laugh! I can totally picture your little incident. :)

Leah said...

Why oh why does my husband not have one ounce of this 'Irish guilt' you speak of? I'm jealous.

Sling said...

I used to have a girlfriend that was quite the hypochondriac.
She complained of Asthma.
Then Bursitis.
Then Cancer!..
I figured out she was getting her diseases in alphabetical order,so I threw away our medical encyclopedia,and she was cured!
I hope that helps.

sageweb said...

how funny. maybe it is time for a toilet that is more nuetral. like one made in Switzerland.

Kimberly Ann said...

How curious that the toilet has such a vested interest in things. I never would have guessed it was such a sensitive household item. Who knew?

rosemary said...

I recently heard a TV blip on a toilet that makes dirt and that dirt grows huge, that has nothing to do with your mishap and i am with Leah....could Iwanski send a bit of that guilt over to Steve because my birthday is coming up and I want a kind of expensive gift (300 bucks) and guilt would help a lot. Personally if i were you, I'd take advantage of that little quirk.

Maria said...

I really wish that some of that guilt shit would rub off on my partner. Because, in my opinion, she doesn't feel properly guilty about enough...:)

Miss Healthypants said...

You all make me laugh! :)

Sageweb--I totally need to get a Swiss toilet!--what a great idea! :)

And for those of you that wish for your partners to have more guilt?--all I gotta say is, be careful what you ask for! *hee hee*

Lorraine said...

"Sometimes it must be exhausting to be Iwanski"...LOL!

nunya said...

Since I'm always visiting your husband's blog, I thought I'd come visit you today. Nice place you got here :)

Give the hubby a hug and whisper in his ear every day "God is a loving, forgiving God."

I told myself that until I believed it.

Miss Healthypants said...

Rainey--it may be funny to you, but it's true!! :)

Nunya--thanks for stopping by!--and for the great advice...I shall try that for sure. :)

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