Learn, Baby, Learn...

Sometimes in life, I get this feeling like I get it--I mean, I really get it--I'm happy and solid and have learned all I really need to learn in life. I know what I'm doing, and I'm in control.

And then a two-by-four smacks me over the head and forces me to learn much more than I ever thought I needed to know.

That two-by-four was my husband's sudden unexpected heart surgery on Christmas Eve. It was almost two months ago now, and sometimes it seems unreal that it ever even happened. I mean, my 36-year-old husband, who takes three or four hour walks with me every weekend day--him? He had to have open heart surgery? Unbelievable!

And yet it happened, and certainly every day I'm ever so grateful that he's doing so well. During this time, I've definitely learned the importance of family and good friends...but I feel like I've learned so much more...some little things and some bigger things. But most of all, I've realized that I probably won't ever have it all figured out--and I suppose most of us won't. I believe that a big part of our purpose as human beings is to learn, and unfortunately, sometimes the learning comes from a really crappy situation.

So without further adieu, here are some things I've learned (some of them a little silly, but I've learned them all the same!) over the past two months:

1. The American media/culture is very concerned about making sure we lose weight and look skinny, but they couldn't give a crap about how healthy are bodies are. I mean, for evidence, look at all the diet pills that are out there--and how many of them turn out to be bad for your heart--or at the very least, give you very explosive diarrhea. But that doesn't matter to those who are manufacturing those pills. It's only important that we be skinny--even if you're skinny and your hair is falling out. That's okay--just as long as you can fit into your size 2 jeans.

2. The number of fat grams in food doesn't matter as much as the kind of fat in the food. I used to just look at how much total fat a food had...but saturated fat is absolutely the worst kind of fat. Some kinds of fats are actually good for you. Saturated fat is absolutely not. And I never used to look at the cholesterol content in foods, either. Now I've learned that saturated fat and cholesterol directly contribute to heart disease--both in men and in women. Oh yeah, and just in case you're wondering, heart disease is the number one killer among WOMEN. Yeah, I had never even considered that; I always thought that it was more of a man's disease. I was certainly more concerned about breast cancer or something like that. Heart disease? But I ate healthy! (Or so I thought.)

3. I've learned how to spell cholesterol. (I don't know why, I've always struggled with the spelling of that word.)

4. Most of the food that is sold in restaurants--both fast food and sit-down restaurants--is really bad for you. I know, this is probably a duh! thing for many of you...but for me, I really sincerely thought that if I was eating a simple Chicken Caesar salad for many of my non-homecooked meals, then I was eating really healthy.

But surprise! Most Chicken Caesar salads are just loaded with fat and cholesterol. And you know why? Well, of course chicken has some fat and cholesterol...but the dressing is usually really really full of that nasty stuff...and the cheese! My God, the cheese! Cheese is the absolute worst culprit when it comes to saturated fat and cholesterol content. And I grew up in Wisconsin--I grew up on cheese! When I was younger, I never gave it a second thought. But Lord above, now I avoid cheese as much as possible. And don't get me wrong--I love the stuff. But I love the idea of having a long life even more.

5. It's very, very important to give yourself time to process and grieve over a scary or sad event in your life--even if everything turned out okay and you think you're fine and you think you can handle everything with no problem at all.

I was learning to cook, I was helping take care of Iwanski, I was doing a lot of the housework, and I was working full-time. No problem, I could handle this! In fact, I even mentioned to a good friend of mine that I was really proud of myself for how I was handling this whole thing. (Note to self: Pride cometh before the fall.)

And then I started getting chest pains. And then back pains. And then both.

And I was scared. So I went to see two different doctors, and the diagnosis came back the same from both of them: It wasn't my heart, it was just stress. I had an EKG. It was normal. I had my cholesterol checked. Perfectly normal.

Just stress?! But I was getting chest pains like 4 or 5 times a day, and they certainly didn't feel like just stress! I was feeling panicky, and silently thanking my previous doctor for giving me 10 extra Xanax pills last time I saw her.

And then one day, as I sat in a nearby train station, eating my lunch, I suddenly felt like I just couldn't take it any more. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, and I just broke down and cried. Right there in front of men in business suits and the tourists with their children, who were scarfing down their Panda Express and Taco Bell...I just started sobbing.

And the worst part was, I kept thinking, "Why can't I handle this? What's wrong with me? I'm stronger than this. I'm usually a positive person. Why am I feeling so damn negative?"

So I did what many girls would do in my situation. I called up my best girlfriend--and even though I was pretty sure she'd be at work, she actually answered. And for the next half hour, as I cried and cried and just let everything out--all my fears, all my stress, all my sadness, she just listened. I will be forever grateful to her for that.

And later that night, I cried even more still, this time to my beloved Iwanski. And he sat and listened and then cried a little himself.

We both needed to grieve a little. This was quite a traumatic event in our lives, and we had to grieve the fact that we weren't going to be going to the Chinese buffet every weekend any more, or drinking beer as often...and we now have to be more vigilent about our health (especially him)...it was a big lifestyle change for both of us, and it certainly didn't come without some stress. But at least we're in it together, and changes are much easier to handle when you're going through them with the one you love.

That night, as Iwanski and I grieved together, we grew even closer, and he assured me that I didn't have to do everything on my own. He was getting better every day, and I needed to stop trying to do it all and let him help me, too.

And the next day, I had no more chest pain. And none the next day. Or the day after that.

As my best girlfriend said, "You just needed a release." Indeed, I did.

6. When you're tired, it's important to rest. Even if--and I would say ESPECIALLY if--you feel like you shouldn't be tired.

One day a few weeks ago, after a workout on our exercise bike, a three-mile walk with Iwanski, a trip to the grocery store, and doing the laundry, I put a low-fat, homemade pizza in the oven, and then bent down to put some dishes in the dishwasher.

And suddenly, a wave of tiredness washed over me...and then came the chest pain.

"Push through it!" I thought to myself, as I continued to put spoons and knives and plates into the dishwasher.

But suddenly, the chest pain got worse, and I knew I couldn't push through it. I walked over to the living room and laid right down on the carpet and stretched out my arms and legs, taking some deep breaths.

At first, I admonished myself for not being able to keep cleaning. But then I finally gave up and gave myself a break, and just rested. By the time the pizza was done, I was feeling much better and had no more chest pain.

So I've learned: When you're tired, don't have a debate with yourself--just rest.

7. I've also learned that I enjoy some foods that I never thought I would--like baked kale chips (they're light and crispy and similar to potato chips--yummy!) and this awesome black bean soup that's incredibly easy to make. Quick, healthy, and yummy--whoo hoo!

But most of all, I've learned that I still have much more to learn. No, I don't have it all figured out, and I'm not perfect. And I know that some days I will struggle, but at least I now know that with each struggle, I will learn something new and valuable...and then happiness will follow again soon after.

Groundhog Dump

OK, I have a secret.

As much as I complain about how I hate the cold and snowy winter here in Chi-town...

I love a good snow day!!!! This blizzard stuff is actually pretty cool if you don't have to go out in it, and if you don't know anyone else who has to go out in it.

My office closed early today and will most likely be closed tomorrow. Yay! Of course, we are all "encouraged" to work from home tomorrow, but sitting on the couch working in your PJ's sure beats showering, donning dress clothes, fixing your hair, putting on makeup, and trudging 5 blocks in the heavy snow to work. Who cares if I get a little stinky from not showering tomorrow? Iwanski will just have to deal with it.

I think I'll make a big pot of soup tonight and just embrace the gift of solitude that Mother Nature has given us today.

And I'm not gonna even think about how annoying it's gonna be to trudge through the snow in single-degree temperatures on Thursday morning.

Not even gonna think about it!

Whew!

Whew! I feel like my life has been such a whirlwind lately! But all is well, and Iwanski is doing well, so I couldn't be happier.

I've been busy working, exercising like a mad woman (gotta keep my heart healthy, too!), and researching and cooking healthy, yummy recipes.

It's been busy, but honestly, I'm having fun with the whole healthy eating and exercising thing. I love our new exercise bike that Iwanski's family were so very kind to buy for us, and best of all, I've discovered that I really do like cooking!

I have to marvel at the magic of the universe sometimes. It really was a natural progression for me, to learn to cook and enjoy cooking.

It all started a couple of Christmases ago, when we did a "homemade gifts" Christmas with Iwanski's family. I decided to bake cookies for Iwanski's sister, and I discovered that I like baking. So over the next year or two, I started to bake more and more often--but I still didn't really like cooking. I think that most of it was just that I was afraid to try it and fail.

Then, my good friend Jonathan started to have me over for "Julia Child night" every Tuesday, during which he showed me many useful and relatively simple cooking techniques, like how to chop an onion, or how to peel & devein shrimp. I started to realize that cooking wasn't quite as crazy-difficult or as scary as I had previously thought. I began to develop "cooking confidence" and made a couple of tasty dishes that Iwanski and I really enjoyed.

Then, this whole thing with Iwanski's surgery happened. It was completely unexpected--something I couldn't have prepared for--but I do feel in a way that the Universe was at least preparing me for one part of Iwanski's recovery--how to cook healthy meals for him...and for me! I've got a good 30 pounds to lose, too.

But guess what? I've already lost 5 pounds! Whoo hoo! This healthy eating and exercising thing really does work, folks. The challenge is to make sure that we stick to it. But I'll tell you, there's nothing more motivating than open-heart surgery!

Now I'm eagerly doing things like sprouting my own bean sprouts, researching healthy seafood recipes, and looking up recipes for various types of hummus...I just found one for sweet potato hummus that sounds divine!

So I guess life handed us a bit of a lemon recently...and I'm making a giant jar of lemonade!

Oh, and for all of my wonderful blog buddies who have been busy posting and haven't seen a single comment from me, I want to assure you that I will be back soon to read blog posts and leave a comment or two. Believe me, I do miss reading your funny, interesting, and even sometimes silly blog posts. I've just been a wee bit busy as of late.

But as former California governor Ahhhhnold said in The Terminator... "I'll be back!"

I'm Back!

Well, it's been two weeks since Iwanski had quadruple bypass surgery...and first and foremost, I want to say that he's doing well. He's recuperating very well and even though he thinks he should be running marathons by now, I tell him that a six-block walk only two short weeks after open-heart surgery is wonderful! I am very proud of him and his progress.

This whole thing took me--and all of our family and friends--by total surprise. We were all shocked when we learned that Iwanski had to have bypass surgery.

But here we are, two weeks later, and Iwanski is alive and well and recuperating at a normal rate. And I am so very grateful for that.

It was a scary time, and at first very overwhelming for me. Somehow, by the grace of God, I held it all together. Sure, I've cried a good many tears, but so many of them have also been tears of gratefulness to God for saving my beloved, and to our wonderful family and friends, who have been so kind and generous during this trying time.

That has really been the most surprising and wonderful thing about this time...how much many of our loved ones reached out with support and offers to help, and as I remarked to my best girlfriend Diane, how many reached out with their own little "nuggets of healing."

Like Iwanski's good friends...from Andy, who flew in all the way from Ocala, Florida with his wife and his one-month-old baby in tow, to visit Iwanski in the hospital three times and to give us love, support, and a generous Whole Foods gift card...to Dan, who visited Iwanski in the hospital twice--once with his lovely wife Karen and adorable red-headed little girl--and gave us a bagful of heart-healthy foods, as well as his own brand of hilarious humor...to Mike, who brought Iwanski a book of baseball trivia while he was in the hospital, and quizzed him on baseball facts, which he thoroughly enjoyed...

And like our friend Jonathan, who was so supportive and kind to me, before and after the surgery--sticking by me in those first trying days and even staying with me the first two nights that Iwanski was in the hospital--and who delivered three yummy heart-healthy meals to us just one day after Iwanski got home...

And like my lovely sister and brother-in-law, Sheri and Rick, who were so supportive and kept the whole family informed via Facebook and phone calls on Iwanski's progress...

And all my sisters and brothers and my lovely Mom and Dad, who called and left messages of support--both by phone and by Facebook...and my sister-in-law Lynn, who shipped a case of Fiji water to us (which she says is the purest, best water to drink)...

And then there's Iwanski's family...and in particular, my wonderful mother-in-law, who has lived through many a loved one's heart surgery in her life...my sister-in-law Anna, who is a cardiac nurse (how convenient was that?!--you have no idea!)...and my sister-in-law Donna, who works in medical records and has also been an amazing source of medical information to me...I'm telling you, these people are some of the most wonderful people you can ever meet. And they have been so generous!

Anna, for starters, has truly been a Godsend to Iwanski and me. She has helped us SO much with her support and medical advice. I don't think I could have gotten through this whole thing without her. Even now, when Iwanski experiences a little dizziness or other strange symptoms, I know that I can call her up, and she'll be able to calm me with her advice and wisdom. I am so grateful for her. Also, she not only got together some of her family members to buy Iwanski and me an exercise bike (I told you they're wonderful people!), but she also came over to help put the bike together AND brought us some healthy groceries to eat...how very nice of her! She's also sent me a bunch of heart-healthy recipes and taught me how to sprout some seeds (sprouts are apparently very good for you)...I'm telling you, she's just a very kind and generous person.

And then there's my lovely mother-in-law, Mary Kay, who flooded (and I mean flooded!) our house with groceries when Iwanski came home from the hospital. Anna had told me to send them a grocery list before Iwanski came home, but I had no idea that my mother-in-law would buy everything we needed in bulk! (She loves Costco; I don't know why I was so surprised!) Anyway, it was definitely a welcome surprise...and believe me, just knowing that I now have enough paper towels and chicken breasts to last me through the next Presidential election is very comforting to me. And she's also been a tremendous source of emotional comfort, as well. For starters, she has been through several surgeries with her late husband--including three open-heart surgeries...but believe it or not, her fiance just had open-heart surgery, too (valve replacement surgery), and he was released from the hospital on the same day Iwanski was! I mean, really, who better can understand what Iwanski and I are going through right now? It is so comforting to be able to call her up and say stuff like, "Iwanski gets tired a lot these days," and she says to me, "Yeah, that's normal...he'll be like that for a while." I'm so grateful for her.

And last but certainly not least is my sister-in-law Donna. During Iwanski's surgery, Donna helped me stay busy and distracted by letting me play countless games of solitaire on her little electronic hand-held game system (no idea what it's called...but I can tell you that I didn't win one game of solitaire that day--I wasn't exactly at the top of my game!). And since we had to change doctors and hospitals as of January 1st (yes, our insurance changed in the middle of all of this--isn't that wonderful?!), Donna was so generous with her time and spent hours and hours researching doctors and finding the right doctors for Iwanski and me. I am so grateful to her for that! She has also been there for me with little nuggets of wisdom--medical and otherwise--that have been a relief to hear. On the day that I had to go pick up Iwanski's medical records from our old hospital, she was able to tell me exactly which of his medical records that I needed to get, so that I could get them for free (rather than getting every single page, which would have cost me something outrageous like 60 cents a page). I'm telling you, it's certainly helpful to have a sister-in-law who works in medical records! And when Anna came over to help us put together our new exercise bike, Donna had sent along a Brita water filter pitcher that she had bought for us. Talk about generous...I'm so grateful for Donna.

And to my best girlfriend Diane, and to all of my wonderful Facebook and blog buddies, who have sent countless messages of support and offers to help, I am so grateful for all of you.

I've always thought of myself as a lucky person, but I don't think I ever realized how lucky and blessed I am until now.

Especially since I still have my beloved...my loving, kind, funny, creative, wonderful husband, whom I love more and more every day. I know I'm so lucky to have him.

And judging by the fact that he just did a little walk/dance around the house for the past 30 minutes, I think he'll be here with me for a really, really long time.

Iwanski Is Home!--Hooray!

And now the healing process begins...thank you all for your prayers and positive thoughts!!

I will post more as soon as I am feeling a little more energetic.

Happy New Year to all! :)

Quick Update to My Blog Buddies

My husband, my beloved Iwanski had a "mild" heart attack and ended up having a quadruple bypass surgery this morning.

It's been rough. It's been tiring. It's been scary.

But he's doing really well! They took out the breathing tube tonight (yay! You could tell Iwanski HATED that), and he is now resting comfortably in the ICU.

I am drained, exhausted, still a little freaked out, and deliriously happy. I thank God, all the prayers from my wonderful family and friends, and the talented and amazing surgeons, technicians, doctors, and nurses at Rush Hospital here in Chicago.

I am one lucky woman. God has blessed me by keeping my beloved here with me. It's the best Christmas present I could ever have hoped for.

And if ya'll are the praying type, please continue to send more prayers our way. I'm sure it's not a super-easy recovery, but he's on the mend, and the prayers and positive vibes can only help.

Merry Christmas to all!!

Wine, Stuffing, and Christmas Carols

On Friday night, Iwanski and I got together with our good friend Jonathan to sing Christmas carols and drink some wine/beer. (The al-keehol helps us sing better!) As usual, we had a great time and laughed a lot.

Before Jonathan came over, I told him that I had bought him a bottle of Riesling (one of his favorite kinds of wine). What he didn't know was that the bottle of Riesling was...

A huge bottle! (I found this at Walgreen's, my favorite store. It's the equivalent of two bottles of wine, in one. Jonathan liked it a lot, as you can see!)



Later, Jonathan gave me a case of Trader Joe's 2-Buck Chuck wine for Christmas--in assorted flavors. Boy, are we wine-o's, or what? But I do loves me some 2-Buck Chuck!

And since he has been cooking delectable Julia Child meals for me so often this past year, I gave him a new Julia Child'ish book called "As Always, Julia: The Letters of Julia Child and Avis DeVoto." He was sooo excited.

And then, I said to him, "Since you've been cooking for me all year...I baked for you!" And I came in from the kitchen with some of his favorites: White chocolate macadamia nut cookies, and two types of candy containing white chocolate. (He loves white chocolate--obviously!) He seemed tickled pink with all the yummies. Yay!

Oh, and how could I forget? Jonathan also brought Iwanski and me a HUGE pan of his "famous" corn bread/sausage/jalapeno stuffing, which he calls "Dixie Dressing." YUM! Immediately, Iwanski and I scooped generous portions into bowls and ate to our heart's content. Now, mind you, I am not generally a fan of stuffing--but this stuff is just sooo good! (And of course, incredibly healthy. Anything cooked with two pounds of sausage and lots of butter has to be healthy, right?)

Later, post-stuffing (and after some tasty spirits), we sang several of the traditional Christmas carols, and did our best to sing in three-part harmony.

Happy sigh...good times with loved ones...it's what the holidays are all about.